Sex in marriage: get encouraged!

We once heard advice given to a friend from her marriage counselor:

Making men happy is simple. All they require is food, sex and respect.

Brilliant Marriage Counselor

While we never condone you take responsibility for anyone else’s happiness, we do think this is solid advice. We think a happy marriage is a life goal of most folks and a happy husband is 50% of a happy marriage!

With that in mind, today we’re going to talk about sex. Yes, yes we are. All too often the sex life in a marriage is not a priority because life keeps us busy. However! We want to end that because we think:

happy sex life >> happy marriage >> happy family >> happy community.

Why it’s important

Most marital problems can be solved with sweat:

This might come from either a workout or having sex. A workout allows you to calm down (physiologically speaking) and gain mental clarity. You will hopefully come away with a better attitude or an idea about how to move forward.

Sex, on the other hand, forces a couple to be vulnerable with one another. You can’t be too proud when you’re naked (well, most of us can’t be). No, there’s a little humility, a little vulnerability. And that’s a good thing, as long as it’s with the one you’re married to, hello

fun couple

Sex forces us to break down the walls that get put up in a marriage. When walls come down, you can get past things that drove you apart, caused you to bicker, to feel distant. You can just be the two of you that you started off as.

There’s nothing more than empty sheets between our love.


Sex helps us reconnect as a couple, as humans that do things other than work and take care of kids and pay bills and do dishes. That’s super important. We’re not just roommates. We’re roommates with benefits.

Related: How to stop being on your phone so much

Don’t be “normal”

Take a look around. Normal doesn’t seem very inviting. Normal marriage seems to include a dormant sex life and, unfortunately, a roommate-type of relationship. Who wants to be normal in that case? It seems people have settled for less. Boo.

Imagine your marriage on fire, in love and fun! That’s what most people desire. We’re here to suggest that your sex life is one key tool to get that kind of marriage! There are other components, sure, but having a close, intimate, fun relationship between the sheets is key.

Couple having fun!

Make time for it

Let’s face it: gone are the days where you can leisurely lie in bed and have sex. Nope. Now you’re busy, you’ve got kids, jobs, volunteering, dinner, bills, sports, church, gym time and so much more. Acting like it’s just going to happen naturally is silly. So, instead be purposeful. Schedule it. That may seem unsexy but do you know what’s more unsexy? Not having sex.

Many experts will agree that men & women (women moreso) need “transition time” in order to go from mom to sensual bedroom lady. Scheduling time for sex helps accomplish this!

Because women are often consumed and easily distracted by the many things on their mind and are generally a few steps away from a state of sexual desire, they must develop a transition process to help them focus their mind, and warm up to intimacy — to get them from 0 (or wherever they are starting from) to 60 mentally, emotionally and sexually.

Laura M. Brotherson, LMFT, CST, CFLE

So, get sex on your schedule. Consider times when you’re alone naturally or even get a babysitter. Train others in your home that the bedroom is off limits. Take advantage of time you’re already in bed and no one else is expecting anything from you, i.e. Saturday morning or after the nightly bedtime routine.

Sex Benefits

The benefits of sex include all those good hormones that are released. Your body tells your brain: “You like this person. When you’re together, we feel good.” Again, when that’s with the one you’re married to, it’s a good thing. The fact that both of your brains are doing this is just good math. Dr. Shervin Assari with the University of Michigan studied 551 married patients and found that those who had sex more often also reported higher marriage quality, consensus, coherence and overall satisfaction. There are so many other positive physical effects to having sex, including a boosted immune system, lower blood pressure, stress relief and better sleep.

How to create sparks

  • Send flirty texts
  • Smile, wink
  • Make jokes
  • Mind how you look
  • Surprise each other
  • Play a game
  • Share a meal
  • Be adventurous
  • Do something new
  • Play our date night bingo game

Joeys good & bad marriage advice:

Winking is good.
Share food sometimes.
Cook together, ask about each other’s day.

Ideal Balance is The Life Coaching Facility in Navarre, Florida that focuses on Fitness, Family & Finance. We help our clients create the discipline & habits they need to strip off what’s holding them back from living the life God created them to live. We work with clients in 1-on-1 sessions in person, virtually and in small groups. We offer life coaching, financial coaching, health coaching. We also offer personal training and home organization locally here in Navarre, Florida. Fill out the information below if you’re interested in our help and we will contact you.

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